The power of self-awareness
We all have blind spots. All of us. Many times these blind spots ironically are caused by our strengths. What can we do to find and address these blind spots so that we can continue to grow as individuals?
The key lies in self-awareness.
The journey of life does end at a specific destination, but while we’re still active in this world we can continue to grow and change and learn. This is where a good self-awareness project comes in.
Do you know yourself? Have you taken the time to look inward? Or have you, like most of us lived your life looking for the silver bullets external to yourself?
What do we mean by self-awareness?
We mean the ability to see yourself, your emotions, your strengths, your actions and reactions from a 3rd party perspective. To see them with a learned detachment that allows you to deconstruct the process. A perspective that allows you to walk backwards from the actions and reactions and emotions into the causations.
This self-awareness will allow you to stop fighting a defensive battle against the rest of the world. Self-awareness will allow you to instead take positive steps to influence the outcomes you need.
I’ve been working on this self-awareness project for a couple months now – without really calling it that – because I didn’t have the self-awareness to do so!
It starts with some simple questions. Why do you act the way you do? What is your modus operandi? What actions and thoughts have made you successful throughout your life and why?
Do they still make you successful? What would happen if you let go of your traditional approach? How is it holding you back? What bounty could come into your life if you were able to set all that baggage down and make room for that bounty?
When I asked this question of myself I discovered what has always made me successful was to be the smartest person in the room. I had to make sure everyone knew I was the guy who knew more, did more and intellectually comprehended more.
I spent a lot of energy on this. It made me successful. Employers and employees and partners wanted me to work with them because I could be counted on.
But what was I giving up by using the same strategy over and over? What good things could come into my life if laid that strategy down?
The clear drawback to having to be the smartest person in the room is that it keeps you from taking risks in areas that you’re not expert in. You can’t do things that don’t work out because that runs counter to the self-image you have built. You shy away from hard things. You shy away from people who are actually smarter than you and who could make you very successful.
Needing to be the smartest person in the room turns you into an individual contributor. Being an individual contributor doesn’t scale. You can’t win the truly big prize unless you can leverage a team of people. It creates a limiting and fixed mindset.
How does this manifest and how can you set it down? It manifests when you interact with people. You don’t listen. You look for opportunities to say something smarter. You look for opportunities to one-up the conversation like it’s some sort of contest.
You know what? I don’t need to prove that I’m the smartest person in the room. I don’t need to prove that I have the experience and the brains and the competence. They know that already or they will realize it in due time as we interact.
Acting this way – What does this do? At the best it convinces the person that you are quite bright and accomplished and they may even trust you. You may even be able to leverage that into a leadership role.
At worst it is a very inauthentic way of interacting that does not allow the other party to come into your life. You have essentially put up a sign at the door that says “We can be friends or business partners as long as you admit I’m smarter than you.”
How do you do it differently? How do you interact and show off your light but not overwhelm like you’re trying to prove something?
The oldest advice in the world. You just have to be yourself.
But you have to be the best, authentic version of yourself. Your higher self.
Being yourself doesn’t mean showing up in sweatpants and picking your nose like you might do at home. Being yourself means putting that needy crap aside, looking deeply into another person’s eyes and asking questions that you are truly interested in hearing the answers to.
One of my favorite questions is “What are you passionate about?”
Here’s another great question; “How can I be useful to this person?”
Being yourself doesn’t mean demurring or hiding your light. It means telling your good stories with an enthusiasm and good humor that demonstrates the passion you have for things in your career and family and life.
When you let your higher self-manifest in this way it drains all the stress out of the interaction. Instead of being a contest it becomes a warm dance. When you relax into the conversation in an authentic way it allows you to access better parts of your brain.
Instead of the stress chemicals blotting everything out in a haze of interaction you’re able to bring your 3rd party detachment to the fore and watch the interaction and learn from it. Amazingly enough you remember the names of people and their stories easily and they remember yours as well.
That is the power of self-awareness. By asking the questions that start with ‘why?’ you can find ways to break through the habits and strategies that have held you back your whole life.
More than 2,000 years ago Plato put the words in Socrates mouth – “Know thyself.”