Episode 5-511 – Kim Knoeller, Counseling Connections on the physical impact of hate

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Hello my running friends.

Today we have a conversation with Kim about the negative physical and mental impact you get from participating in the culture of hate and outrage.  I had a lot of fun talking to Kim.  It felt like a very synchronized conversation.

This is the third in my four sessions on hate culture and polarization.  Hopefully you find some nuggets in there that help you.

In section one I’m going to talk about how to re-find your paces when you get into a new season of training.

In section two I’m going to give some tips on having conversations with people you disagree with.

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The big news this week is that, as we speak, I’m supposed to be running the Grand Canyon, but, unfortunately we had to cancel.  One of our members had some issues, so we pushed it to next year.

Which leaves me with a hole in my training calendar.  I’ve been playing with my paces and decided to sign up for a marathon in September to see what I can do if I really focus a training cycle over the summer.

We’ll talk more about this as I get into it.  The questions I’ll be trying to answer are around figuring out what I can still do and what I still want to do at my age.  What am I capable of?  How does the approach change?

Anyhow – that’s this summer’s project!

And it is my May checkin in projects.  How did I do on my May goals?

If I remember correctly my three goals for My 15th that I set in the beginning of the year after the Mesa marathon were…

  1. Train for and complete the R2R2R – Well I trained for it and I’m pretty sure I had the fitness, but events out of my control conspired to block the execution. But, as is usually the case, and the lesson, I received the benefit of the process.  I got some great runs in the trails with Ollie and have a good base with good leg strength for my next training cycle.
  2. I believe my number 2 Goal was to finish the edit of the second book in my apocalypse series. I have not made as much progress as I would have liked here.  I have workshopped a few of the chapters with my writing group but I’ve been challenged to get the work done.  I’ll need a new strategy for this, because my current strategy isn’t working.  But, this is not a goal missed, it’s a goal postponed, and the lesson is I need to find another way, a better process.
  3. My 3rd goal was to get the revocable trust and will set up with my wife for my kids. I though this one was a stretch, given I’d need to work with my wife, but it is well in progress and we should be complete before the end of the summer.  What did I learn?  I guess I learned it’s possible to have productive conversations and collaboration with my wife.

So that’s it.  Now I’m going to set 3 new goals.  I don’t know what they are yet.  I’ve got to do some thinking on it.  But we’ll get back to you soon.  I need to give my monkey mind space to figure stuff out.

And how does the monkey mind work?

I started reading a new book on Kindle called “30 Days to a Calmer Mind – a step by step plan for reducing anxiety” by Marius Burger Lourens.  I think I got an offer to read it for a dollar.  It’s a very short book.  Basically, a short page, or half page, of something to think about or an exercise, daily for 30 days.

It’s the sort of thing that you can use as part of your morning routine.

One of the first exercises is to watch your thoughts.  Not to meditate or do anything, just to let your monkey mind go and watch what it does for 5 minutes.

I found this very entertaining.  After the 5 minute I wrote down what I had seen.

So here is the transcript of my Monkey mind ‘at rest’.

I put my headphones in, turned on a random google 5-minute timer with some ocean wave sounds and closed my eyes to watch.

My first thought was that this would make for an excellent journalling exercise. And I should write this down after the 5 minutes was up.  This thought led me to wanting to search for a new, blank journal from my pile of blank notebooks beside my desk.  I had to resist the urge to get up and start rummaging for one right away.  Because my monkey mind was quite sure I needed a fresh journal right now!

Then my brain turned to focus on the wave sounds.  Many of the timers and meditation background audio are recordings of ocean waves.  As my brain grabbed hold of the wave noises, I thought, those waves are not at a beach.  Those waves are hitting something hard, like a sea wall in a harbor, or a dock in a marina or a rocky shore.

This led me to think about taking a drive to Marblehead to see the ocean and remembering the story about scuba diving for lobsters there at Rocky Point, nad then I thought, since I’m going to the ocean I should find a state park to run in with Ollie by the ocean while I’m there.  Which made me wonder what the leash and dog laws were in state parks and whether I’d need a parking permit.

There were many other random thoughts in there which I watched and weighed and let go.

At the end of the 5 minutes I was startled when the timer went off.

This is how the mind works.  Constantly firing off thoughts and associations.  It almost feels like it is testing or searching for something it can never find.

And finally a snippet from the Persian poet Hafiz, who was writing at a time when the Golden Horde raged from the East and the Ottomans where taking over what was left of the Romans in the west – just in case you think you live in a scary time.  Poetry and beauty fand a way to push through.

“Awake, my dear. Be kind to your sleeping heart. Take it out into the vast fields of Light And let it breathe.”

On with the show,

Section One – Paces?

Featured Interview – Kim Knoeller

https://www.counselingconnections.online/

Counseling Connections began as a private practice spearheaded by Kim Knoeller in 2018 and has grown to include the wisdom and experience of several additional clinicians since then. Counseling Connections has flourished into a community of providers driven by the core values of building trusting relationships in which there is safety, genuine care, interest, and validation and promoting autonomy and self agency for our clients. We strive every day to improve the well being of individuals, couples, and families across North Carolina using a wide variety of therapeutic interventions and specialties.

Each of our clinicians, in addition to their required education, have special areas of training and certification. Counseling Connections provides a platform for associate level therapists to work under the high caliber supervision of two professionals who have been in the field for over 60 years combined. The concept of providing support for those in the profession and assisting in creating great psychotherapists to meet the needs of our population is at the heart of Counseling Connections’ mission.

About Kim Knoeller, LCSW

A connection with my clients is the first thing that others will say is strong about my work. Building a trusting relationship in which there is safety, genuine care, interest, and validation is at the core of good therapy and is my strength. My interventions are soft and leave each of my clients feeling they have authority in their own lives, they can love and respect and care about themselves, showing themselves compassion at every turn. Your goals are my goals always.

I’m here to support you in anything you’re going through using my years of experience as an LMSW and LCSW helping others through substance abuse, relationship/family issues, life changes, anxiety, depression and trauma. I work to give you the tools you need to continue to come out on top of life’s difficulties.

Whether you have a specific presenting issue or feel you need support facing the challenges of life, I can help you discover more about yourself and deepen your life experience. I incorporate mindfulness and body movement with traditional cognitive therapies and emotional freedom techniques.

Section Two: Conversations with people you disagree with

Outro

Well my friends, you have talked your way at pace to the end of another RunRunLive Podcast, Episode 5-511 session over, please exit through the rear and see my assistant Ollie to schedule another session, we have work to do.

Finished up my training cycle for the Canyon with a nice 14.5 mile trail run.  Which had my legs doing the crazy fatigue thing.  I felt like I could just lay down and sleep after that run!

But that’s one of the things I want to test in this next training cycle is how long can I take a long run and still have it be beneficial?  Topic for a future conversation.

Even though I did not make the trip to the canyon, I’m still taking the days off from work to see if I can catch up on some projects.  Spoiler alert – I’m not catching up as much as I want!

I’ll let you guys off easy this week.

One theme I’ve been hearing the last couple weeks is how creativity and creative acts can be beneficial therapy.  You heard it from Dr. Andre in the last session.  I’ve heard it in other places too.  The simple act of writing without purpose, or painting without a goal or woodworking or gardening or anything like that gives you brain, different parts of your brain, space to work.

And this is the dark side of focusing and being productive.  After awhile it burns you out.

You need to switch back to some basic creating to regenerate.

So your homework is to find something fun and creative to do today or this week, maybe with family or friends and let you brain breathe a bit.

And I’ll see you out there.

Buy a book -> https://booklocker.com/books/13731.html

Amazon -> https://www.amazon.com/After-Apocalypse-Story-Pandemic-Survival/dp/0977234207

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