Finding Self

Who are you?

That’s a question that’s sounds surprisingly simple, but has baffled humans throughout our existence.

You might respond with a list of things you have done.  Depending on the context you might talk about your races and your accomplishments.  You might describe your family and life.  You might expound on your career and job history.  You might talk about the place where you live and its attributes.  You might even talk about your physical attributes.

But, are any of those things you? Really you?

No.  None of those things are you.  They are external to you.  They are outside of you.  They are things.  They are not you.

So, who are you?  Maybe you are that person inside?  Maybe you are looking out on these things and experiences.

It’s an interesting question, especially in these current days when people are challenges with mental isolation and mental health.

I don’t know about you but in my life there seems to be a heightened focus on mental well-being.  With this comes the practices of mindfulness and self-care.

But who is this mind that we are telling to practice mindfulness?

If you are not the outside things, then perhaps you are the inside?  What goes on inside you mind?  Who is in there with you?  How do you find what or who that is inside?

Do you have a meditation practice?  Have you tried to meditate as part of this mindfulness, self-care season we’re living through?

If you’re like 99% of the population, when you close your eyes and try to meditate you meet your crazy roommate.

That’s right.

Your crazy roommate.

That’s that voice that won’t let you meditate.  It’s the five-hundred rapid-fire thoughts that assault you when you try to find peace inside your own head.

What does your crazy roommate tell you?  Maybe, it tells you about all the things that you should be doing.  All the things you should be worried about. All those things that are due, or coming due that need your attention.

Then, maybe it starts reminding you of how you never get enough done.  How you don’t’ measure up.  How you’re going to fail, again. Just like you failed that one time, remember that?

Then, maybe your crazy roommate starts reviewing all the times you’ve failed and all the shitty things you’ve done and… on an on.

Your crazy roommate doesn’t just do this when you sit down to meditate.  They do it all the time.  They are always assaulting you with this random noise.

And sometimes you take the bait.  You listen t o your crazy roommates and follow them down these rabbit holes.

But, who is this crazy roommate?  Is it you?  Is it even an echo of you?

Your crazy roommates are not you.  Why?  Because you can observe them.

The you that observes is the real you.

As you train yourself in mindfulness you are able to observe the outside things and the inside things.  This is the detachment that mindfulness is aimed at.

It doesn’t mean the crazy roommates stop talking.  It means you are able to observe the talking for what it is.

By cultivating the ability to observe these things you have the power over them.  It doesn’t change them, but it does change how you react to them.  It takes the emotional and mental charge out of outside events and inside voices.

It gives the real you, the one that observes the power to decide what to focus on.

You remember the old story about the man who felt like he had two dogs in his head, a good dog and a bad dog, and didn’t know what to do?  The wise man told him to ‘feed the good dog’.

This is where you are choosing to focus on what you want and deserve and not on the random chaos of that fills the world and the inside of your head.

With that power comes peace.  This is what they mean by self-awareness.

On the flip side if you lose the focus and allow events and your crazy roommates to drive the bus, you are lost.  Then your consciousness devolves into only the things and experiences.

This is what the mental health and mindfulness practices are poking at.

It doesn’t start with self-awareness.  It’s starts with realizing that you are lost.  That your crazy roommate is driving the bus.  That you are focused on things.

Then you can begin, or continue your mindfulness routine by re-focusing on observing, awareness and consciousness.

It is a practice.

You are the answer.