Worry

Creating an abundance mindset for key life events.

I was thinking more about that dream that I told you about in the last show.  The one where I apparently materialized into a gang interview that I wasn’t prepared for.  Freud might have gone deeper into mommy issues or something but to me it’s clearly a worry dream.

I get worry dreams when my life and work get out of balance.  Basically, when I’m worried about something.  My subconscious takes the challenge.  It sees me worrying and tries to help by manifesting examples.  As much as I’d like to take my subconscious out to the woodshed for these non-helpful support activities, it is sending a message.   It’s trying to be helpful in that dinosaur brain way.

The real issue, it reminds me, is not that you have these things to worry about.  The real issue is that you are worrying about them.

Worry is a waste of energy.  Worry is a waste of time.  And as we know from our conversations around The Power of Now, it is quite useless and quite ridiculous to worry about something that might or might not happen in the future.   It runs counter to what you are trying to accomplish.

Let’s say you have that big meeting or ‘event’ coming up that has a lot riding on it.  This creates tension because it is a deadline.  It is a scheduled thing that is going to happen.  It is a certainty.  It is unavoidable.

Most of us need a bit of emotional tension to drive us to action and to keep us engaged.  This can be positive emotional tension – like the chance of a positive outcome or a potential win or reward.   Or it can be negative emotional tension – like ‘get this done by tomorrow or find a new job’.

What creates our worry, this negative emotional tension, is the story we tell ourselves.   In this case we are telling ourselves a story about the looming deadline, our lack of preparedness and the potential negative outcomes.

This worry cannibalizes our time and energy in a way that ensures the very outcome that we are worried about.   It’s our negativity bias again.  Basic human nature.  Evolutionary burn in.  Over the long haul it’s better to assume that there is a lion behind every bush.

If you think about your energy and time as a gas tank.  It is full when you find out about that meeting, that event, that deadline.  It is finite.  You have a deadline and only so much time to prepare or do the work.  You have only so much energy to devote to that preparation.

How are you going to spend that gas?  Are you going to waste it on worry or are you going to use it to prepare the best you can and go into that meeting with energy?  It doesn’t make any sense, but we will waste much of the available time and energy worrying and bitching about the deadline.  Instead you can just get to it and get it done.

Here again we return to a familiar theme.  The bias for action.  Do something.  Get to work and turn your worry into progress.

Let’s go back to the story we tell.  The worry comes from us telling that story about being unprepared, not knowing what to, doing a bad job and failing.  And this should also be a familiar theme, but, tell a different story. You get to make up your narrative.  Do a better job with your narrative.

You may, at this point, think I’m recommending that your make up some fictional story, an aspirational story about what could be or what should be.  I’m not.

Your positive outcome story is just as real, if not more real than the negative outcome story you are worrying about.

Tell the truthful story.

The reason you have been selected or invited to this event or deadline is because someone believes you are worthy of it.

Think about that.  The mere existence of this thing you are worrying about is a vote of confidence in your ability to handle it.

Guess what?  They want you to succeed.

New story:  “I am being asked to do this because others have faith in me and see my ability to be successful.  They want me to be successful.”

The cards, as they say, are stacked in your favor.

Here’s another element of your story.  You don’t have to go to this meeting, finish this report or give this presentation – whatever this deadline you are worrying about is.  You chose to do it. You could walk away any time.  It’s a choice.  It’s your choice.

Let’s review the story…

At this point you have a deadline for this event that you are choosing to do, that everyone thinks you’re qualified to do and that everyone wants you to succeed at.

Check your gas tank and get to work.

You’ll take a couple minutes to plan an approach.  You may not be able to fully prepare but you can 80-20 the opportunity and see what the most important bits are that you must get done to be successful.  Start with those.

With a nod to the great Steven Covey, who’s name, in my old age I can never remember, but who’s wisdom taught my generation so much, start with the end in mind.  What is the outcome you are looking for?  What is the single most important thing you need to prepare to get that outcome?  Be specific.

If it is an interview, or a meeting with someone, I’ll tell you right now that 80% of the outcome will be dependent on people.  Your number one thing might be to research the peoples’ profiles, learn about them and their history.  How do they fit into the organization? What is their personal win?  How do you make them feel good about themselves and look smart in this meeting?

Which, of course is another of our favorite themes.  It’s not about you.  Crazy as it sounds, even in an interview where the whole meeting agenda is supposed to be about you – if you want it to be successful make it about them.

After you prepare for the people the next thing you might look at is your communication.  How are you going to tell your story?  I don’t care what the topic is, especially if it is an interview, the story form is the most natural and powerful way to communicate.

You don’t have to memorize the stories.  Just remember the form.  Each story starts with some sort of challenge, the hero takes the challenge, goes on a journey learns some things from some coaches and there is a resolution or result.

Remember a couple of good challenges that fit the story form and you can answer any question in the form of “tell me a time when you…”  or “what’s an example of…”  Even better if the story ends with the listener being the hero.

If you can craft, actually write down in story form, 3-5 things that you are proud of, you can use these stories universally in high-impact, moment of truth situations to communicate powerfully in the moment.

After you get the people sorted and the communication then you can think about the content.  What are the actual proof points or arguments?

In my experience people get the emphasis wrong.  They worry about the content first and then fail in their event because they don’t connect with the people and don’t’ communicate well.  It doesn’t matter what you know or how much you’ve studied if you can’t connect and communicate.

Let’s review.

You are a worrier.  You worry about events because you are telling yourself the wrong story, wasting precious time and energy on the worry and then preparing for the wrong things.

Now here’s what you’re going to do instead.  You are going to stop worrying.  You are going to tell a better story.  A story about how you were rightly chosen for this event because of your qualifications and your abilities.  A story about how everyone involved wants you to succeed in this event.

A story about how you use your limited time and energy preparing for the event by understanding the audience and communicating in way that moves them.

The end of this story is you being very successful indeed, because you know, whatever happens you can handle it.

Nothing to worry about!