The pursuit of happiness and its relationship to purpose

If you believe statistics most people are not happy.  If you listen to the world around you it seems most people are unhappy with something.  They are unhappy with their lives, their jobs, and their relationships.  (In fact, I would hazard to guess that this unsettled unhappiness with everything not only drives much of the social conflict around us, but ironically drives a large part of the economy.)

Happiness is different than pleasure.  Pleasure you can find or buy.  Pleasure will give you that addicting dopamine hit that makes you crave more pleasure.  Pleasure is short term and unsustainable.

Happiness is that state where you know you are in the right place, doing the right thing, and with the right people.

Happiness is not bliss or peace. You can be happy in a stressful and challenging situation.  You can be happy in a peaceful situation.  You can be at peace in a challenging situation.

You will find people who are happy in careers that we might find awful or jobs that we might find tedious.  Happiness is a personal thing, and in some ways a personal choice.

Happiness comes from inside.  It is a state you can be in or put yourself in.  Happiness is not external.  Happiness is internal.

Happiness is not a destination.  Happiness is a state that you cultivate along the way to your destination.  In fact, any destination you think you have in your life is a mirage.  Destinations are only waypoints in the journey.  Happiness happens along the way.

When are you happy?  When you know you are in the right place; know it in your heart and soul that this is where you are supposed to be, and this is what you are supposed to be doing and these are the people you are supposed to be doing it with.

Happiness comes when your life aligns with your purpose.  This is when you are fulfilled.  Happiness is living your purpose.  It is when what you do adds to what gives you joy.

The luckiest people in the world have a clear, defined purpose.  They have a compass in their lives.  When your life is in line with that compass your weathervane points to happiness.

Purpose is a hard thing.  If you don’t have it you are rudderless, yet you may not know what your purpose is.  How do you find that?  That is a whole book in itself.

But, Briefly, Let’s take a shot at purpose.  (You can choose how much you want to entangle your happiness with purpose.)

The typical purpose-finding exercises have to do with thinking about the things you do that give you the most joy.  Listing the situations where you feel the most fulfilled.  Make a list of all the things you have done, experienced, and seen that gave you that sense of inner joy where you knew it was ‘just right’.

That doesn’t mean they were pleasure moments, although there could have been great pleasure hidden in them.  They could be, and most likely were challenging moments.  Something you had to fight for or work for that felt perfect in its resolution.

Think about it and build that list.  That list will have breadcrumbs that can lead to you purpose.

That purpose could be very specific like helping kids find their way or curing cancer.

That purpose can be more abstract and encompassing like making the world a better place or enabling others to find their strength.

Everyone has whatever it takes inside them, like an acorn, to find and live a purpose.

When you read that purpose back to yourself, whatever it is, it will feel true and worthy and personal.

Part of the challenge with purpose is that we are stuck in our current state and current self.  Whereas manifesting that purpose and the corresponding happiness requires a bigger picture vantage point.

One way to get out of your current perspective trap is to move your perspective into the future.  If answering the question “Where do you want to be in 10 years” is unanswerable or terrifying to you then you have a purpose gap.

Thinking of those things that give you joy.  Transport yourself into the future and answer the question what would my life look like if I was living my purpose?  When you get a sense of those answers then visualize it.  Paint a detailed picture.  Where do you live?  Who are you with?  What happens when you get up in the morning and then throughout the day?

Another perspective changing exercise is the Marley or rocking chair test.  You imagine yourself at the end of your life looking backwards and answer the question ‘what would that well-lived, purpose-driven life look like?’

These changes in perspective can be jarring because they illuminate the gaps between what you are doing now and what you will need to start doing to manifest that future reality.

This all sounds easy but isn’t.  Personally, I think we put too much weight into finding a true purpose or a true calling.  The un-said conclusion being that if you don’t have an enrapturing vision of your purpose then you are somehow lacking or broken.

If you can’t find purpose right now that shouldn’t stop you from trying some potential purposes on for size.  Take a guess and pick a direction, pursue it and collect clues along the way.  In purpose like most things action drives achievement and attainment.

One tactical way to pick a direction or a pursuit is to build a matrix of what you are good at and what you enjoy.  (Enjoy in this case means not pleasure but true, fulfilling joy and personal happiness.)

Get a piece of paper and draw two cartesian lines or arrows. (Like any line graph you’ve ever seen, one arrow points up one points right.)  One dimension is ‘things I’m good at’ and the other is ‘things I enjoy’.  See what experiences and rolls cluster where.  That will at least give you a sense of where you will be happy and can potentially have an impact.

Purpose, truly, will eventually end up as a situation where you can feel like you are being your best self and, in some way, giving back or helping others and the world.  That purpose, or even the mirage of purpose, will bring you a sense of happiness.