Outsmarting cues in your life
We’ve been talking about habits recently. About how to use the formation of habits through mindful repetition of desirable activities. This is way to rewire your brain at a basic level. We also have to talk about the other side of this. We have to mindful of the phenomenon of mental or moral fatigue.
We also should bring out of the murky depths and in to the light another potential show stopper that influences our effectiveness for setting new habits – the cue.
First what is the concept of mental or moral fatigue? I’m not making this stuff up. This phenomenon has been proven clinically consistently. Let’s say you are trying to change a habit. Let’s say it’s to stop eating french fries. You really like your french fries and have them every day for lunch at the McDonalds across the street from your office at 12:00 noon.
Now you have decided to quit. That first day as noon is approaching you summon all your courage and stick-to-it-ive-ness and refuse to walk across the street at lunch to get your customary fries-fix. Everything is going great and you make it through lunch. Then when you are leaving you lose control as you pass by the welcoming golden arches and that crispy smell. You can’t stand it anymore and break down and get some fries.
What happened here? Why were you able to withstand the initial temptation but easily fell prey to the same urge later on?
One reason is that the brain, just like your muscles, gets tired. Not eating those french fries is the equivalent of holding a dumbbell over your head. Eventually you get tired and drop it. Your ability to resist, to make hard decisions diminishes as your brain gets tired.
What can you do about this? Well first thing is knowing intellectually that this is going to happen. This way you can be prepared for it and use your big brain to override the impulse if possible. The other ist to try to avoid putting yourself in situations that continually tax your resolve.
Interestingly enough the brain muscle gets stronger over time in response to the workout you are giving it. If you can maintain the behavior it eventually gets easier. You’ve heard people who have successfully changed a behavior say “I don’t even think about it anymore.”
The other important thing that is going on here is the environmental cues. In our little story the sight of the restaurant, the smell of the fries the time of day, the routine of walking towards it all are physical cues that are tightly integrated with your animal brain. This create a very strong pattern that is very difficult to disrupt.
Our worlds are filled with cues. If you are an ex-smoker you’ve probably had the experience of watching a person light up on TV and instinctively looking around for your own pack of cancer sticks. Or maybe driving by that billboard for barbeque gives you an urge to eat some sweet savory pulled pork!
How do you make your actions and your habits deterministic when swimming in the sea of arbitrary cues? How do you design your life with so much noise?
Again, just by knowing what’s going on you can start to either avoid cues or create your own counter-cues. Look for the patterns. I know I’m going to want to eat junk food when I sit down in front of the TV. How can I break this patter? Don’t sit down in front of the TV or mindfully substitute water for the junk food.
Many of these cues are insidiously intertwined with the physical environment; what you see, what you hear, where you are, what you smell all create certain patterns that snap you into autopilot. If you want to snap out of autopilot you have to figure out a way to break these patterns. Create your own noises, and smells and mantras to program what you want and create a new pattern.
The worst cues are tied up with our relationships. We enjoy eating out with our significant other. We value this interaction. It’s part of our relationship. Maybe we have a routine of sitting down and watching sitcoms with our spouse or kids and that’s the only ‘together time’ you get. How are you going to break these patterns without sacrificing something of value in your relationships?
There is no set answer on how to break these complex patterns. We all struggle with it. Recognizing them and moving them out of the realm of shadow habit and into the world of conscious actions helps. You may even have to talk about these patterns with your relationship partners (heaven forbid) and maybe, just maybe, you can come up with a mutually acceptable new pattern that enhances everyone’s lives.
Now folks, you know about the evil menagerie of mental fatigue, cues and patterns that lurk under your bed and seek to sabotage your life-changing efforts. You know they are there. Now youcan look them squarely in the eye and cast them out or at least negotiate a détente.