Inner Peace
It’s that time of year. It’s that season. Where people are stressed. Ironically the time of year where you are supposed to be celebrating family and togetherness is when there is the most stress. The holidays are where, even if you’re not prone to stress, you start to feel it. Unfortunately, this time of year is also statistically the breaking point for people who do have issues with anxiety and depression.
The days are short where I am. The shortest of the year. The sun rises after 7:00 AM and sets around 4:00. If you’re in the working world you may only see sunshine at lunch if you’re lucky. The weather is cold, and people tend to not get outside as much. You’ve got the stress of family and the holidays. Your training and racing is in a low period.
How do you practice inner peace during these stressful times?
Even if you are not prone to stress and anxiety this season is full of social landmines that can trigger you. How about the office Christmas party? How about forced interaction with your close relatives?
And even if you’re working on it, even if you’ve already got a quiet mind practice in place you can still be triggered out of peace and into anxiety.
What to do?
I’ll share a dream I had with you this week. It was an awful, stressful dream. I was in an office surrounded by people in chairs. I was in seated uncomfortably in a chair, sort of in the middle, so there were people behind and around me. There was no desk or table.
Apparently, I was there for a job interview. I was wearing a suit and tie. No one else was wearing a tie. One of the men, and they were all men, was noticeably in charge. None of them were saying anything to me, just some murmured asides and comments. We were apparently waiting for more people to join.
I was able to determine that I was there for an interview, but I had no idea how I got there or what the interview was for. All I could do was sit there uncomfortably and worry. It felt like the prelude to an interrogation.
I was very anxious. I worried that my posture wasn’t confident. I worried that I was unprepared. I worried that when they started it would be just me fielding questions about myself. The power dynamics were awful. The man in charge was distracted and not the least bit empathetic.
There I was stuck in this stressful situation wondering what I should do.
This was what my subconscious served me up for breakfast when I woke. Since I had this dream right before I woke up and it was so chock full of anxiety, I remembered it in detail.
Once I was awake, I began to think about it. What would I do if I found myself in this situation in the real world? As I thought about it, I realized that it wouldn’t be too bad. I would just accept it for what it was and act. Turn the tables.
I would stand up and start introducing myself around the room with handshakes. I would pause at the man in charge, look him in the eye and say, “Why am I here? What about me caused you to gather a room full of these fine gentlemen to meet with me?”
Because, worst case scenario is I make someone mad or get chucked out, but it would be on my terms, and that’s a win. I would have regained my personal peace.
I tell you about this dream because it is an example of the types of triggering events that can drive you deep into anxiety. But anxiety is as much a choice as is peace. So as you practice your silence it’s ok to review these anxiety triggers and think about how you would bring peace into them.
The things you worry about that could happen but have not happened can be prepared for during your inner peace practice.
Here’s the thing. Inner peace is not a thing or a destination. It is a practice and a journey. Just like running a marathon it all starts one day when you take that first step. Just like all journeys you get frustrated because you start and then you don’t see results. Or your results don’t compare to that smiling guru on Instagram.
You think you must be doing it wrong or it doesn’t work for you.
You are missing the point. There is an inherent, basic value in starting.
Starting is action.
You are not doing it to change yourself or to change the world or to be just like that smiling guru. You are starting to start. To honor yourself. To take time for yourself.
To honor your journey.
Just start. Little things done consistently lead to big things.
Honor where you are.
Start by settling down and focusing on peace. This is action.
Sit down, calm yourself. Turn everything off. Focus on peace.
When was they last time you truly felt peace? When was that time in your life that you felt an abundance of peace? Was is holding the one you love? Was it breathing deeply in a natural place? Bring that moment to mind. Cultivate that moment. Focus on that peace. Focus on those moments.
You don’t need to push the other anxieties away. They will naturally quiet down when you focus on peace. When those thoughts come into you mind simply notice them and refocus on the moments of peace.
Don’t get caught up in trying to compare your journey, your moments. All you need to do is sit in stillness. Don’t worry about what is it supposed to be like. Focus on peace. Where in your body do you feel that peace? Feel the peace with each intentional inhale and give that peace back to the world with each intentional exhale. Be intentional in your thoughts. Be peaceful.
This is your journey.
This is your moment.
Honor yourself.
Successful people handle stress. How do they handle stress? They expect and prepare for stress triggers and change. They know it’s a journey and they work to be ok with it. Be ok with it. There is no steady state or destination there are only moments. Even your moments of peace will change.
Cultivate peace.
Actively seek peace.
Focus on your choice not on your restrictions. It is your choice to honor yourself and sit in silence. It is your choice to focus on peace. You are taking action. It’s a process but you are choosing action by cultivating peace.
I’ll leave you with some advice I saw today from Dr. Glover, who wrote the “No More Mr. Nice Guy” book and has some good online course you can take around cultivating positive emotional tension in relationships. This was in response to a question about how to manage a stressful relationship event but I think it holds true to any trigger you might have through the holidays.
Dr. Glover counseled the questioner to :
- Notice
- Breathe
- Take a look at your story
- Practice leaning back
- Tell yourself that no matter what happens, you will handle it
- Redirect your thoughts
- Have fun
- Be bold
- Repeat
Enjoy your holidays.
Honor yourself.