Empathy at Work
LinkedIn Learning Course Summary:
This week I took a LinkedIn Learning course on empathy.
What is empathy? It is the ability to understand others’ feelings and then to share those feeling with them. It’s the old saying of ‘putting yourself in their shoes’.
Why do we care about empathy? Because it leads to better outcomes at work and in all our relationships. When you have empathy, people like you and they want to work with you. You forge stronger relationships and you are happier.
But, empathy, like most skills is learnable and takes practice to become proficient at.
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Empathy is part of your ‘EQ’ tool set – Emotional Quotient or emotional maturity. It starts with you. EQ has 5 elements:
- Self-awareness – You understanding yourself and how others see you.
- Self-Regulation – Not letting your emotions override your actions.
- Motivation- owning and internalizing
- Empathy – shifting the focus to others
- Social skills – being able to communicate empathically.
The key here is that Empathy is the part of EQ where you shift from self to others.
Empathy is something you can practice.
Thee are 3 types of empathy:
- Cognitive empathy – where you know what others are feeling but you don’t share that feeling – you stay aloof.
- Emotional empathy – where you feel their emotions with them.
- Compassionate empathy – where you feel it then connect and take action.
What are the benefits of empathy?
Empathy creates better relationships; Empathy creates a safe place in the relationship. At work empathy is great for customer service and motivating customers. Empathy will make employees more loyal. Empathy means less stress for you and will make you calmer and happier.
Some people have concerns about practicing empathy. They think that their empathy will be seen as weakness and that it wastes time. Many feel like they just don’t possess the ability to be empathic – that they are just not wired for empathy.
Empathy is not a weakness if you are self-aware and have emotional control. If you understand your own goals and have good boundaries you can practice empathy and be strong, or even make it part of your strength.
The focus that empathy creates will save you time, not waste it – practicing empathy will make you more efficient.
And, even though you may not be naturally wired for empathy it is a skill you can learn and you can get better at through practice. In fact if you have struggled with empathy, as I myself honestly have, that this is a great opportunity for you to grow and get stronger.
How do you practice empathy? What are the tactics?
It really comes down to listening skills. You have to actually listen to people and not just wait to talk. Don’t one up people in conversations. When someone tells a story, don’t wade in and follow up with a cooler story of your own. Don’t judge or problem solve – just acknowledge and let them process.
Part of having good empathy is not being insecure. You have to have enough self-confidence to be comfortable with your own ignorance. Empathy is a learned skill, so practice it and ask for feedback. Commit to learning and discovery. Practice having the mind of a student.
It’s really just good listening skills. Listen with the intent to understand. Ask for explanations. Ask clarifying questions. Monitor your own non-verbal communication. Are you restless? Are you looking around? Watch their non-verbal as well. Cultivate a bird’s eye view of the conversation. Make eye contact. Nod your head. Be engaged.
What is their narrative? What do they know? What do they believe? How are you similar?
How do you communicate empathy? Smile and have genuine enthusiasm. Ask follow up questions. Be curious. Create a safe space for them to have a deeper conversation.
If you get good at this people will enjoy your company. They will look forward to spending time with you. They will trust you and seek your advice. Your ability to put yourself in others’ shoes will become a super power for self-awareness.
In a corporate world you have to be careful because some people will use the tools of empathy to manipulate. Look at the culture of your company, is empathy encouraged? Is empathy part of your culture. Do you see the leadership of the company practicing empathy?
These tools are also a great way to manage difficult relationships or people. Instead of being defensive you can lean in and learn something about them, get on the same side of the table.
Now, there is such a thing as empathy fatigue. If you lean in and have emotional empathy all day long you may be drained at the end of the day. Especially those of us who are a bit introverted. For you to have empathy you need to practice self-care. Pull back from those empathy situations and try to be cognitive. Find a trusted person to talk to about it. Pause. Take a deep breath.
To summarize, empathy is a powerful thing. Empathy will help you forge stronger relationships and has a number of positive impacts on your life and career. Empathy can be practiced. All it really takes is for you to learn how to listen, be curious, be open to new experiences and have a positive intent.
That’s what I learned about empathy this week. Now our homework assignment is to go practice it.