Detachment in Art

I observed something this week that made me think about how creatives associate with their art, specifically, and about how we communicate, in general.

I was in a collaborative session where we were reviewing an artist’s work.  The point of the session is to get your work in front of other artists to get feedback.

And that’s what we thought we were doing.

But the artist being reviewed was, apparently, not bringing their best version of themselves.  They came into the meeting in a noticeably bad humor.  And their body language became increasingly defensive.  It culminated in them standing up and leaving in a huff.

None of the feedback was overtly bad.  No one was trying to attack or denigrate.  Mostly we were just asking questions and trying to understand what the intent was.

And I think a lot of it was that person’s state of mind.  When things like this happen it’s usually 80% the state the person is in.

It’s early in the morning and you’re not a morning person.  You just had a fight with your other.  Your job is particularly awful.  There’s lots of external influences that are preludes to these types of events.

Stuff.  Stuff we don’t know about.

It’s a shitty and stressful time of year.  We come into November and all of a sudden there is no more sunlight and it’s cold out.  The holidays are upon us with all the family baggage and an expanded to-do list.  If we have a job, there are typically end of year goals looming.

Sometimes it just feels like we’re surviving, not living.

Then we go into a room with a bunch of near-strangers, and they judge our work.

Let’s face it we’ve all been in those meetings where we wanted to fold up our notebook and leave.  It’s uncomfortable and doesn’t feel like there’s any benefit.  It feels like an attack and our fight-flight reflex takes over.

Heck, people can get fired because a meeting went sideways or they reacted in a bad way when under duress at the wrong moment.  Relationships can be irreparably hurt.

But artists are a special breed.  Creatives tend to see their work as an extension of themselves.  They do this thing because they love it.  They are invested.  It is not just a product of their artistry; it is part of them.

But another part of being a creative is that you want people to consume your work.  That’s part of the contract.  And in doing so, by default, people will judge your work.  Some will judge it harshly.

That combination of attachment to the art and sharing of the art is a deadly way to get your knickers twisted.

So what are we to do?

Well, we could not share our work.  That way we are guaranteed to never get a bad review.

Or we could only share it with people who love our work.  You’ll soon find that only listening to positive feedback does not add any value.

I had this experience with the manuscript for the book I’m about to release into the wild.  I asked the listeners to my podcast if anyone wanted to be a ‘beta reader’.  The idea is that you get some ‘normal’ people from your audience to read early versions of your work and add feedback.

It works well for many independent authors.  But, what I found was they just told me how much they loved my work and that wasn’t helpful at all.  I don’t get any better from that feedback.

Negative feedback is way more useful.  It is much harder to wrap your head around, but it is super useful.

Another example.  I wrote this one chapter that I was very proud of.  I had the brilliant idea of my character going for a run to work through some heavy emotions.  I knew this would be a great chapter because from personal experience I know you can ‘run out’ a troublesome personal problem.

The feedback I got, unsolicited, was that the chapter was too long and boring and nothing happened.

My first reaction was, ‘you just don’t get it’ and ‘your just not smart enough to pick up the brilliant nuances in all that wonderful internal dialog in the character’s head.’  I wrote them off.  I figured they weren’t my audience.

But, as I was going thorough the structural editing process I got the same feedback.

I was able to step back from the piece and look at it more impartially and I realized they were right.  Maybe that brilliant idea was a decent idea, but this chapter was boring and didn’t accomplish what it set out to do.  I threw most of it in the trash and rewrote the rest.

That, right there was a valuable learning moment for me.

That was the kind of valuable feedback that made me a better writer and made the book a better book.  I just had to be mature enough to absorb it and parse it.

I needed to practice detachment.

Detachment is one of the most powerful skills you’ll ever learn.  It is the ability to take negative feedback, but not take it personally.  It is so hard for artists.  Detachment is how you realize they are criticizing the work, not you as a person.

But for artists it is incredibly hard to disentangle your self from your work.

So, Knowing this, what can we do?

First you can understand your state when you are going into the session.  If you’re not up for it, don’t do it.

You can also prepare your state.  Even if you’re having a miserable day and your personal power meter is blinking red.  You can tell yourself that this is not an attack, this is an opportunity to learn something.  In other words, detach yourself from the criticism before it starts.

Go in with the intent to listen.  To confirm.  And to learn.  That’s it.  You don’t have to do anything else.  Just listen, confirm and see what you can learn.

You don’t have to use any of the advice.  Just accept it all gracefully, take what’s useful and throw out the rest.  Being detached also allows you to listen better.  It allows you to see the nuances in the feedback and the patterns.  Yes, the quality of your listening adds value to the feedback.

If you feel up to it and you want to engage you can listen ‘actively’.  Ask for clarity and specific examples.

It’s not just having an ‘open mind’ it’s having a curious mind.  Cultivate the mind of a learner, of a beginner, of a seeker.  Set your ego aside.  Humility is not humiliation.

The other useful tactic is to frame the feedback.  Be clear about what kind of feedback you’re looking for and how you’d like to receive it.  And if you’re the one giving the feedback ask the same questions so there is no disconnect in expectations.

Creatives can be delicate little flowers when someone is reviewing their work.  But that is because they have fiercely poured their souls into it.

A bit of preparation and context can really help close the gap between feedback and value.