The journey to silence
The challenge we have is that we slam ourselves right into our days. Coffee in one hand, cell phone in the other we go from bed directly into the milieu of emails and social media posts. Especially in our current world – we don’t give our brains any free space. Without that free space it’s hard for your mind to relax you feel like you’re constantly running or reacting. How do you make space in your mind?
Why do you care? Why would you want to make space in your mind?
First, because unless you take control of it and find space you will exist in a state of mental reaction. By being in that state of mental reaction you tend to focus on what is urgent rather than what is important. You are at risk of losing your perspective. You run the risk of missing essentially important things that you don’t have time to think about.
Secondly, because you are creating or training yourself as a vessel for others priorities. If you exist to react to the buzz of the world your being programmed and directed by external forces.
Finally, it creates an unsettled mind. This constant distraction and noisiness conditions your mind to exist in an agitated state. You risk losing your ability to think deeply. You risk developing a playbook of reactions to stimuli as opposed to thoughtful consideration of your path.
Silence is one way to make space in your mind for peace.
I had to go back into the archives and see when I interviewed Hal Elrod. It says April of 2014. That’s way longer ago than I thought it was. Time flies when you’re living life. That is around the time I started testing out silence, or in the common parlance, “meditation”.
I grew up on the East Coast and we didn’t believe in any kind of Eastern mythology or pseudo-science. We show up, we work hard, we suffer. That’s what we do. That’s our strategy and it’s made us successful for the last 100 years. That’s the East Coast culture.
We always laugh derisively at those people in California and their whacky philosophies. Meditation? Who needs meditation? What a waste of time. You got problems? Suck it up and work harder and you’re problems will fix themselves.
But, I like to think I have an open mind. Starting a couple years ago the topic and practice of meditation kept coming up. Successful people that I follow consistently cited meditation as part of their practice.
Then I read Hal’s book – the Miracle Morning – and interviewed him. A big part of his success routine was starting each day with a period of silence.
I was fairly sure I couldn’t jump into the full blown meditation thing but I decided to try some silence.
My barriers to this silence are probably the same as yours.
First, although my time is abundant it is also finite. I didn’t really think I could meditate for 20 minutes twice a day like people were recommending. I knew I’d be setting myself up for failure if I started with long sessions.
Second, I’m not built to sit cross-legged on the floor. Aint gonna happen. If I was going to meditate it was going to be sitting in a chair.
Third, my mind is typically very active. It’s like my head is full of bees. I could be quiet, but I wasn’t sure my mind could be quiet.
Finally, I was going to have to be lenient on my practice. If I missed a few days it was going to have to be ok. My world gets busy sometimes.
I looked around for some guided meditation that would fit my requirements. I found a 5 minute, guided, breathing meditation by Diane Winston from UCLA (of course). http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22
After some experimentation I found that I liked the 5 minute breathing meditation because it was only 5 minutes long. It has you sit comfortably, clear your mind and focus on your breath. It’s actually a lot like running, without the running part.
I put this on my phone and on my desktop so I could find it conveniently. In 5 minutes I could do it in a taxi or on an airplane or sitting at my desk in the morning.
I also experimented with the Headspace App on the iPhone but found it put me too deep into a trance. It was almost like hypnotism and I didn’t like it.
What I found and what you may find is that at first your mind cannot quiet. Your mind races from thought to thought.
It’s a bit like when people talk about the ‘runners’ high’. You get the impression that every time a runner goes out for a run it’s some sort of cosmic event or epiphany. People talk about their meditation practice the same way. Like every session is a blast of clarity and peace.
It doesn’t work that way. Most runs are just runs. Every once in a while you’ll lock into that flow state and your run will become transcendental both physically and mentally.
Sitting in silence is the same. Most of the time it’s just sitting in silence watching your mind run in circles. Every once in a while you get some clarity or transcendence where you drop into a flow state.
Just like with running, the more you practice the better you get at achieving that flow state in your practice. It is also individual specific. Just like the running example you may find it easier to find a flow state just because of your physiology and your background.
How do you manage it then if you don’t know what to expect? You approach it the same way you approach all new things. You approach it like a beginner or students’ attitude.
You have to approach the silent time without expectation. There is no success or failure. There is no goal. There is no competition. You can’t out-meditate the other guy. You are just trying to quiet your mind. That’s it. Your only commitment is to sit and practice and listen – like a new and expectant student.
In practice I have found that these sessions go one of three ways for me.
First is the “sunken mind” session. This is when I’m sleep deprived or burning the candle at both ends or jet lagged. When I meditate in this state my mind is too tired to handle it. I tend to slip into an almost unconscious state. I’ll nod off into a dream state. It is relaxing, akin to a quick nap, but I don’t get any useful insights or free space out of the sessions.
Second is the “Agitated mind” Sakyong Mipham who wrote the book “Running with the mind of meditation” – describes this as trying to hold on to wild horses. This happens when I’ve got a ton of stress in my life or I’m over-caffeinated. In these sessions my mind never quiets. It just keeps racing around in circles for the entire session.
The third type of session is the good one. It is the silent mind. This is what you are trying to get to. It is when your mind becomes silent and clear of thoughts. In this state you’ll find that the time passes without you knowing it. In this state I think you’re accessing a different part of your unconscious mind. It’s similar to the flow state that we have talked about before. It is a state without time.
When you exit one of these silent mind sessions you are incredibly relaxed and refreshed. You have a calm attitude that you can carry with you into your day. You have mental energy and clarity. It’s quite wonderful. It changes your whole day and positively colors your interactions. It makes you better able to deal with ‘stuff’. It really manifests for the whole day.
In practice all you need is a comfortable place to sit without distractions. Unfortunately this is easier said than done. There aren’t that many places in our lives that are free of distractions. I’ll sit down at my desk and any number of things can and do happen. My phone might buzz. If I’m at home the dog may walk up behind me and bark. My wife might choose this moment to talk to me.
Our busy world seems to really distrust someone who is trying to be silent and takes great pains to tear us away from practice.
One of the best ways around this is to get a good pair of headphones that cancel out as much of the noise as you can. You can either use a guided meditation routine where some calm voice walks you through the practice, or you can just grab some calming background music.
I’ve found that, if I’m online, there are some great meditation music pieces on youtube. I particularly like the ones with rain or water sounds in them. There is something very natural and relaxing about the water sounds.
If my mind is particularly distracted when I sit I’ll keep a pad in front of me so I can jot things down if I have to.
Start with the shorter, guided sessions. Then when you have some practice you can practice the silence without the guide. You can be your own guide. You can look at your thoughts from a detached point of view and gain some insights into what your mind is doing and why. This is when it moves from being a relaxation tool into a tool for self-awareness.
I’ve experimented with different times of day. I find for me first thing in the morning works best, especially if I’m up early. You do get some benefit from silence later in the day but I find my mind is already at full speed and less open to the practice. You can also use the practice when you go to bed and your mind is keeping you awake.
I don’t get it done every day. I probably average 40-50% of the time depending on my schedule, but it seems to be a useful investment when I do.
There it is. That’s my learning on meditation practice. I’d say in general it is a positive addition to your daily practice. It can help with relaxation and self-awareness. It can quiet the mind to create space for a better version of you to exist.