Group Dynamic of Hate

When I look at the current polarization or the malapropism that I created “Bi-polarization” in our culture I can’t help but conclude that people forming or being forced into opposing groups is part of the problem.

Humans need to be in groups.

We are a communal animal.

It is in our nature.

Humans are not meant to live in isolation.

When scientist measure health, longevity and happiness, one of the major, positive correlations and contributing factors is healthy relationships and friendships.  That sense of having people in your corner that you can count on.  That sense of belonging and being part of something, positively impacts our sense of self and self-worth.

How does this seemingly positive attribute of human nature somehow get hijacked to create opposing clouds of hate and outrage?

Unfortunately, this too is human nature.  As soon as you form a group you create exclusion by default.  There will be others who are not in the group.  And when you are poked at by external actors or biased leaders with escalating outrages you soon arrive at us versus them.

We are right.  They are wrong.

We are good.  They are evil.

We believe the truth.  They believe lies.

We are smart.  They are stupid.

This, my friends, is a perversion of the group dynamic.

It is human nature.  Across time there have always been in-group and out-group dynamics.

Us vs. them.

It is easy to be suspicious of a group that you are not part of.  In this way we can vilify an individual simply based on an group membership.

I put it to you this way;  Do you believe all people who vote a certain way, a way your group doesn’t like, are those people then irredeemably evil?  You can see the faulty logic.

Just because they are part of a group does not make them evil.   But, by grouping them, by labeling them, you avoid the messy business of individuality and can paint a broad brush They are X therefore Y.   This is why we are pushed into groups.

Being pushed into a group escalates the bi-polarization (a word I made up) by giving you a short cut, a label.  A false binary choice.  You are either in or out.  There is no thoughtfulness or shades of gray.

That’s lazy.  All dogs are not brown.  You need to do the intellectual work.

You, my friends, are athletes.  You know how to do the hard work.

In this way groups have escalated the hate in our current climate.  If you’re out, you’re one of them.  If you’re in our group, then you need to follow all the rules and mores and actions and beliefs of our group, even when those rules and mores and actions and beliefs are nonsensical or destructive.

The internet and social media has enabled groups to form rapidly across geographies.  This is positive.  I have friends in the long-distance running community all around the world.  My closest friends, that I would not have met without this ability to find like-minded people across geographies.

But, when applied to the culture wars and politics this same ability to form groups rapidly across geographies escalates the polarization.  It herds people into social clubs that thrive on the one-up-man-ship of outrage.  A constant, and immediate, emotional reinforcement of hate in the echo chamber.

You forget to ask if what you are seeing is logical.  Or if it aligns with your personal beliefs.  Your individual aegis is subsumed by groupthink.

Remember when you were a kid and you and your friends got caught doing something stupid?  What was your excuse to your parents?  “Everybody else was doing it!” And what did your mom say in response?  “If everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you?”

The point being that there is some set point where our individual morality should kick in and stop us from following the herd over the cliff.  But with the way you are isolated into these groups by your data and then escalated and reinforced by the group and the leaders of the group, we see you march right by that failsafe point into hate and danger.

Following the herd.  Right over the cliff.

And I know you.  You think I’m talking about the other people.  The members of that other group.  And how they are so stupid and will believe anything and can’t see what they are doing is ridiculous.

Am I?  Or am I talking about you?

I asked Dr. Andre “Why can’t people make that decision at that moment of truth where the leader of the group says ‘We’re all going to march downtown and smash windows and beat people up’”?

To me it seems simple.  I’m not going to do that.

But he reminds us that the group members have been driven so deeply into the group that they have lost their individual rule book.  The self has been lost.  They have abdicated their free will to the group.  The group has taken over their identity.

No one wants to break with the group.   If you go against the group you might be kicked out, ostracized and isolated.  You would rather break your own moral rules, and the moral rules of society, than lose the group.

50 years ago groups were local and benign.  You were a member of family, school and work.  You hung out with Marge and Al at the bowling league.  You might join the Shriners or the K of C.  Then things changed.  Local cultures were diminished.  People became more isolated.  The frenetic pace of society and the wiping out of the local culture.

Then the internet and social media offered a place to re-find that social connection that was lost at the local level.  Groups were no longer local or benign.

So what is the solution?  How can we extract ourselves and our brothers and sisters from the echo-chamber and the hate mongering groups?

First, each and every one of you has the power to a) say no, to b) leave a group that does not serve you, and to c) form your own group that acts as if and follows good sense rules.

How do you say ‘no’?  I want you to just step back from your group and take a breath.  Look at the communication you are being served.  Is it really true?  Or is it outrage packaged as gossip reinforced by members or leaders of the group?  You need to be able to stop before you follow the herd over the cliff.   Where are you going to draw the line?  Because it should be somewhere before you suit up and follow that wild-eyed preacher down to the riot.   Right now.  Draw your line in the sand.  Back away from the cliff.

You may need to disengage entirely.  Don’t participate in the group hate.  Don’t repost that gossipy, hilarious, salacious meme that perfectly shows how dumb and evil the other group is.  Yeah – you.  Work with me here.  Treat life like a business dinner or a family brunch.

No politics.

No gossip.

Assume the other side are good, well-meaning people.  Approach with empathy and respect.

Have the courage to say, ‘this is probably not true and I won’t be party to this hate’.

I have been experimenting with social media.  I have blocked or unfollowed the clearly inflammatory ‘news’ feeds – like CNN and Fox.  I have also snoozed the social media ‘friends’ who repost those clearly biased narratives.

But the algorithm still tries.

You would think my behavior clearly articulates what I want to see?  Regardless of my consistency the first post is always something political or inflammatory.  The bots either create or use unrelated groups and topics to sneak in outrage.

Some of the people I snoozed 30 days ago are becoming unsnoozed.  And the algorithm promptly serves me up their reposting of outrageous memes.  It is hard not to conclude that the deck is stacked against you.

My advice is stop fighting.  Walk away.  There can be no game without players.  Save your head, save your soul.  Disconnect.

To misquote Timothy Leary – tune out, turn off and drop out.

But what will you do when you lose your group?

You’ll find a new group.

A better group that does not have hate and outrage as their defining characteristic.  Because for the small minority of hate mongers there is you and I and we can sit down and talk about the weather, and our kids, and how much we like summer days that go on and on until the bats come out to eat the mosquitoes.

Join a local writers group.  Create your own group.  Teach a course.  Volunteer to help someone.

But what if it’s my church or my workplace or my family?  Any organization that is fostering hate has lost its way.  You don’t have to be complicit in that.  Walk away.  Do what’s right for you and the world.  Refuse the hate.

Unless you are a follower of the Kali sect from Indianna Jones and the Temple of Doom your religion should not be promoting otherness and hate.

Remember what Voltaire said – and this was during the French revolution where they were literally lopping off the heads of the other groups– “If they can get you to believe an absurdity, they can get you to commit an atrocity.

Or, you can use the line Grouch Marx wrote to a group he had joined “Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.”

Go forth with kindness my friends.