http://runningthestraightandnarrow.blogspot.com/
“Backwards Joe” with Joe Bears as the professor…
This bit is in response to the current barefoot running hysteria.
Characters:
Chris:
Professor Berkofinklehorowitz – Joe
Scene opens – Chris is calling Dr. B to learn about his theories on backwards running
C: Hello this is Chris and I’m lucky enough to have with me Dr. Bernard Berkofinklehorowitz eminent sports anthropologists and chairman of the Backwards Running Foundation.
Dr. B, Can I call you “Dr B?” I’m so grateful to have you on the phone. Your theories on backwards running have really changed the way myself and so many other experienced runners look at the mechanics of Bi-Pedal locomotion.
DB: It’s a pleasure to speak with you.
C: Tell our listeners about your theory on backward running.
DB: Well, Chris I’d have to say it’s more than a theory at this point. We’ve got irrefutable evidence that early humans originally were designed to run backwards. It’s only recently with the rise of agricultural farming that we have turned evolution on its head and started front-wards running as a means to push the newly invented plow. And clearly this is why such a large percentage of runners suffer injuries, because they are doing it the wrong way! They need to turn around and run backwards as nature intended.
C: Dr B, this is quite a revelation for us – what is this evidence that you say supports backwards running?
DB: Well first of all man is clearly designed to run backwards. As an anthropologist I can see no other reason for us to have such a large rump if not for the sole purpose of cushioning when the backwards runner falls down.
C: But how can you say humans evolved to run backwards…?
DB: The fossil evidence proves that when early humans came down from the trees they had new predators to deal with. They weren’t fast enough to outrun them so they had to turn around so they could use their hands to fight while they backed out of conflict. You’ve done it yourself. When you’re attacked by an angry dog in the neighborhood, you turn and face it right?
C: Yes, I see, it’s so obvious now. But how did you make this intellectual leap?
DB: Well as you know, if you’ve read the book “Evolved to Run” – there is a tribe of Native Americans called the Tiramisu Indians in Northern New Jersey that still practice backwards running, and we were able to observe them in their natural habitat – a place so remote they have not been corrupted by modern society– (in the woods behind the Wal-Mart outside Bergen). They are still using the natural backwards running style.
C: Wait a second Dr. B, I’ve got some open questions here…Why do we stand upright on two feet and have our knees and ankles bend the way they do – that would seem to make backwards running harder and why are our eyes on the front of our heads if we were designed to run backwards?
DB: Well, yes the knee thing bothered me until just recently we had a breakthrough archeological find that put all the pieces in place. At a dig in Nambia from the pre-Simian era we found the bones of early hominids co-located with the bones of Spider monkeys!
C: Umm – ok – so what?
DB: Don’t you see? The unequivocally proves that early humans evolved bendable knees because they were farming spider monkeys and the needed to be able to bend down to milk the little fellahs. The fossil record is clear on this.
C: What about the eyes?
DB: Well it has been shown through the fossil records how some fish, like Flounder have evolved to have both eyes on one side…we theorize that the same thing happened to early humans, the eyes migrated as they embraced plow pushing as a means to survival – we hope to turn up fossil proof of this shortly.
C: Well your evidence is clearly compelling Dr. B. If this is such a true and simple theory, why aren’t more runners embracing it?
DB: Well it’s unfortunate, but the entire pants industry has been built around the concept of frontwards running and walking and the big pants companies are working to hide the truth!
C: So what do think the answer is?
DB: The answer is simple … we must all throw off our pants and embrace and run free!
Intro by Chris
Lots of links from the Ragnar
#FF #BrooksRagnar NE Ultra champs! @Mangorunner @g_watty @SpeedySasquatch @thatrunnerchick @JamesonBull @trailblaze @cyktrussell
http://www.ragnarrelay.com/boston/index.php
Interview with Harlan Price:
Outro:
Ok folks – that’s it another wonderfully mediocre episode of the RunRunLive Podcast in the can. Next week I’ll be interviewing Dave Dunham who besides holding most of the race course records within 100 miles of my house – is a great guy and he talks about the article he has in runners world about running in every town in Massachusetts.
Good news – I’ve got a new USB microphone on order so audio quality might be getting better in a couple weeks. Sorry there was so much Chris in this episode – I usually try to avoid that!
We are moving into a busy – high stress time of year now. With the kids back in school and the fiscal 4th quarter in business it all gets crazy. You get too much going on and you get stressed and you start to yell at people. Don’t. Give others the gift of patience. And give them the gift of allowing them to help you.
I’ve got lots of stuff going on but you’ve heard enough from me this week already. So look within yourself for beauty and joy and when I see you out there, I expect you to be smiling.
Music tonight is a song called “On the passing of fairytale heroes” by a group called “halfway home” and can be found on the podsafe music network.